First of all, a quick check-in. Since my last post, I:
-Ran Bloomsday
-Ran my first full marathon in Missoula
-Found out my Papou (aionia tou i mnimi) passed that morning around when I started
-Fell in love
-Went to Japan for two weeks
-Ended up single
-Have four more tattoos
-Have been pushing my limits, growing and becoming stronger every day since I ended up single
-Found out my strength is there, even when I think it isn't
-Found out who my true friends really are.
And now for the main blog post. Enjoy!
The most common question I get once people find out I'm training MMA (albeit in a very non-traditional manner by doing each martial art separately and blending them as suits me) is "why?" This usually takes the form of "wait, you mean cage fighting/UFC/toughman?" "Um...yeah." "Why would you want to do that/bruise that pretty face/get hurt/etc?!" It also goes with the comment "you are so mellow/nice/funny, I just can't imagine you fighting!"
I've been thinking about it a lot lately. I never really gave much reason beyond "it seems fun" or "because I can." Then again, I don't feel I owe anybody an explanation unless I really want to give them one (just like the meanings behind my tats-don't always tell people cuz they are personal. That's a whole different post though).
So some background. I used to be anti-MMA. And afraid of sparring. And afraid of martial arts in general. My, oh my, how I have changed! I still remember how timid I was when I started training, and how I could barely walk up the stairs after my first lesson (and I only did some stance training and basic punches/kicks)! I used to think MMA was for people who "had something to prove, but didn't know what, to whom or why." I was sorely mistaken, and part of it came from the less-than-savory fanbase that simply crossed over from WWE/WWF/WCW. Another part came from my misconception that MMA is somehow "less" than formal martial arts; that it is glorified street-fighting. I didn't understand it back then, and that is a crying shame!
So flash forward a few years and here I am, well-versed in a good few styles of martial arts and teaching one. I love sparring and for a while, something inside me has been itching to put it all to the test. I didn't really think about it too much, but instead just went with it and have been training myself for that. It was only recently that I wondered "why?"
After some soul-searching, I think I might know, and I'm willing to share part of it. I have problems with my confidence. Period. I know this, and so do the people I choose to open up to. My training has done wonders for me physically, which has added some confidence. Knowing I have some awesome abilities also added.
But I still feel the need to prove something to myself. I ran a 12k on a whim It was easy. I started running half marathons...challenging, but easy. Did a marathon this year-tough as fuck, but I still did it. There's a part of me always looking for that next challenge to tackle, and a fight, one on one in a cage seems to be the next one.
I feel the need to rise up to the occasion, work myself like never before (and most people could only wish), learn not only about myself but another, learn my own strengths and weaknesses, grow stronger and have the sheer discipline and will to do it all. Then combine all of that and face another man, one on one, in a contest of skill and strength. This is the ultimate challenge. And it is my challenge because I chose to accept it.
I am passionate about my sport, there is no doubt about it. I think everyone should take some classes-get fit, learn some useful self-defense skills (comes in handy when someone tries to gay bash you), get some confidence and be a better person. I think that it gets a very bad rap from people such as John McCain who called it glorified cock-fighting. And I refuse to give it up for anyone or anything. It is an integral part of who I am. I eat, sleep and breathe my martial arts. Day in and day out, I play scenarios in my mind, train physically, come up with combos and even dream about it. I even have fun with it doing things like BODYCOMBAT, a cardio martial arts-based workout class I will be certifying in soon.
My enthusiasm rubs off on others because I've helped get some numbers up in classes by talking people into it and just enjoying the hell out of it all. Attitude is infectious and apparently mine's like an STD on a college campus!!
Not everyone is meant to compete, though, and I fully understand that now. Few of us have the drive or desire to compete this way. Even fewer can physically handle the demands. And even fewer have the fighter's heart.
It is something inside of me that I just instinctively "know" I'm meant to do. I'm perfectly happy knowing I could get knocked out, sustain a concussion, break some bones/joints (myself or my opponent's!) and otherwise get injured doing this. It is something so few people understand, or even try to understand, and I don't really expect people to. It isn't something for them to know...it is something only a few of us will ever fully know and experience, and that makes it truly special in my eyes.
I may still be working on my discipline and lack a ground game (which is being fixed, I might add). I might still be learning how my body best works, what the best fuel for it is and what workload it can handle. I might be sustaining the odd injury here and there, too. But through it all, I have heart. I know I'm not the best fighter out there, but I'm damn good at what I do and will work and work and work to improve.
Sometimes I get down because I'm stiff or my flexibility leaves a bit to be desired in some spots. Sometimes I get down about life and overdo the training resulting in an injury. And sometimes, even I don't fully understand why I do what I do...but I do it anyways because it eventually makes sense.
Why do I fight? Because it'll help me prove something to myself. Because I enjoy it. Because I can. I'm not sure. Because I have heart.
I am a fighter, and this is MY mind, my motivation and my drive. These are things for me and me alone to experience, though my friends and family may be there to support me.
My name is Nick. I prefer Rush (my nickname). And I am a fighter until the very end.
